In my musical family, my instrument was French horn. I sang but was told, “Your sister is the soloist. You belong in the choir.” Music was more habit than artistic expression.
Those early years were hard. By the time I was 20, one too many heartbreaks silenced me. I quit singing. Completely. Singing reminded me of things and people I did not want to be. I chose not to.
When our children were born and I started going to church, I sang with them. They got the childhood I never had, along with a strong musical education. Other than Sunday mornings, I never sang.
When my kids started singing in a professional choir, I became president of their parents group. I still didn’t sing with choirs myself. It had been so many years that now I was afraid to begin.
One Sunday morning when I was 40, a friend who’s often like a surrogate mom, Virginia, cornered me after the service. “Why aren’t you in church choir? They need you. They practice this Tuesday, and you should be there.”
So I went. The first week went ok, and I was so overwhelmed I cried the whole drive home.
Within a month, other choir members helped me begin to cantor, to lead the singing when needed at services. Each service felt like I was trying out a ski slope for the first time and had no idea what would happen between the start and when we got to the bottom of the hill.
That was 5 years ago. I cantored again last night. As the music begins, I feel God grabbing my soul and pulling music from each heartbeat and heartbreak of a lifetime. The tremendous losses are there – death, illness, fire, flood, famine, and more. Those losses neither defeated nor define me but are the valleys I went through that help me treasure time on the mountaintop.
Some said I wasn’t the sister with the good voice to sing the solos. But God had a different plan.
Every time I cantor, each song feels like Amazing Grace. For 20 years, I thought my music was dead. He brought it back and showed me how to pour my heart into every song.
Melodies dip into valleys of the shadow of death and soar on eagle’s wings to mountain tops.
Singing through the mountains helps me see the sunrise more clearly.
Give it a try.