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Posts Tagged ‘Chicken’

Rotisserie Wrestling

My Christmas was complete! I got a new rotisserie. I assigned putting the rotisserie together to my son, age 12.

The directions were in Spanish. We went through the kids’ Spanish dictionary to match the parts chart on page 3 to the parts names on page 4.

I’ve never trussed a chicken. We only had blue string. I imagined the chicken turning blue a la Bridget Jones and drove to the Dollar Store. They offered to sell me clothesline, so I bought it at the grocery store instead. 

Youtube showed me how to truss the chicken. The directions said to preheat the oven first. My son earned a 2nd degree burn when he got the bird into the oven. As the bird turned, a string dragged. The chicken legs shimmied as the spit turned.

My daughter tended to her brother’s war wounds while I saved the chicken.

I turned off the oven and quickly tied more string as the bird went around the spit. I tied it tighter together so it wouldn’t shimmy while spinning.  Then the spit rotated in the other direction. It spun backwards until all the string was undone.

I would not be conquered by a dead bird and a kitchen appliance! Off to Youtube I raced! I watched 3 more videos. We retied the bird so tight the spit wouldn’t move.

I didn’t want to get burned, so we took the top off the oven. My daughter helped me fix the spit. We won! The bird began spinning! The thighs shimmied and the belly flopped, but the bird was secure.

Five minutes later, my daughter called, “Mom! There’s a problem!”

One side of the spit fell onto the bottom of the oven. The bird rotated and shimmied. When we took off the top to fix it again, I earned my 2nd degree burn. My daughter tended to my war wounds.

This time, it worked. The bird still shimmied, but it cooked.

That evening, we enjoyed our own rotisserie chicken. Never mind that the oven got so hot it melted the chocolate chips in the cabinet above it.

My son and I nursed our burns, took some pain meds, and our family ate the conquered bird.

Never underestimate the power of a whole family against a single household appliance.

Yesterday, the rotisserie. Today, the smoker.

I wonder if my family will ever buy me a turkey fryer……

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If hens could text, this is what they would say. Written to the tune of the Chicken Dance.

Our eggs are laid. Our eggs are laid. (They wave their beaks)

Come get them now. Come get them now. (They flap their wings.)

Our eggs are laid. Our eggs are laid. (They shake their tails.)

Come get them now. Come get them now. (They clap their beaks.)

Oh girls, let’s beware the rooster. He is prowling about.

We can outsmart him.  We’ll run faster, escape, and wear him out. (During the chorus, the hens race to outrun the rooster before he catches them.)

Repeat the song all morning. Then all afternoon. The hens win some and lose some. Until it’s evening and time for the chickens to come home to roost.

[For real time updates on this song, check the Tweeting Hen’s Twitter.]

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Rooster in grass.
Image via Wikipedia

Pullus Parvus, otherwise known as Chicken Little, lived in Jerusalem 2,000 years ago.  He was the best of all possible organizers, the top cluck, and he knew it.  When he crowed early each morning, all the other chickens in that tiny Roman province followed his lead.

One morning as he crowed, the people were shouting so loudly he had to crow twice as loud and long to signal all the other chickens that it was time to begin.  Strange – a crying man ran past him a little later.

Then the sky over the whole land suddenly grew dark. 

Chicken Little panicked and thought, “The sky is falling.  I will stop it.”

So he crowed and he clucked and he asked all his friends to crow and cluck with him.  If they made enough racket, the sun would return.

It stayed dark.  The earth began to shake and tremble.

Chicken Little panicked and thought, “The ground is going to split in half.  I will stop it.”

So he crowed and he clucked and called all his friends to join him.  As the earth trembled, they scratched and scritched, trying to hold the ground together, but they couldn’t stop it.  Chicken Little called out, “God, give me the power of Samson to stop this so I can hold our world together!”

It was still dark when a young chick squawked to Chicken Little and told him the curtain in the temple was tearing in half.

“I can’t allow that to happen,” said Chicken Little.  He sent word to his friends the sparrows to go to the temple and hold the temple curtain together with their beaks.  They failed.

Chicken Little was flat terrified.  He couldn’t make the sun return, he couldn’t stop the earth from shaking, and his instructions to the sparrows had failed.  He was out of control.

So Chicken Little fled the town of Jerusalem for the hills.  He hid on a hill, behind a bush, afraid of what would happen next.  He didn’t crow, for he was ashamed.

Three days later, he got scared again.  There was a huge rumble and a great light.  This time, he didn’t try to stop the rumble or return the sky to its normal color.  When the light became normal, Chicken Little decided the sky could not have fallen.  The sun was back.

He picked and clucked his way out behind the bush and saw Roman soldiers fallen to the ground. A tombstone had rolled from a tomb, and Chicken Little went inside.  He saw an angel sitting there and asked the angel,

“God made me to crow and keep all the birds of Jerusalem together. 

“But the sky turned dark and was going to fall.  I tried to stop it and failed.

“The ground shook and was going to split.  I tried to stop it with my friends, and we all failed.

“The curtain in the temple tore in half.  I tried to fix it by telling the sparrows what to do, and they failed.

“How can I ever believe in myself again?  How can I feel safe?

“This morning, the sun turned bright, and there was this rumble, and I did nothing because I was afraid.

“The sun is back in the sky, the sky did not fall, and the ground did not split.

“But I will never believe in my abilities again.  I am mad at God too – why didn’t He help me?”

The angel looked at the poor bird and told him, “Oh ye of little brain.  When the sky turned dark, God was with you.  When the earth shook, He was there too.  This morning when you saw that light and heard the rumble, it was the Son – not the sun.  He rose from the dead to save all mankind.

“This is a day for the birds to sing.  One day, at the end of the age, the sky will seem to fall.  Nothing anyone or anything does will change that.  We cannot worry about it now.  The Son, the Savior, just won the greatest battle of all time.

“Go, find your friends, and tell them to sing, cluck, and quack in honor of the King of Kings.”

Chicken Little scooted out of the tomb just as he heard feet running .  He summoned all the birds of Jerusalem to sing a new song and rejoice, for the Son of Man had saved the world – not Chicken Little.

After that day, Chicken Little still crowed every morning to summon all the other birds to the start of another day.  But when he crowed, he didn’t crow of his own power, or in pride of what he could do.

He crowed in honor of God.  He could use his talents to proclaim God’s glory but could not use them to play God.  And now Chicken Little knew the difference.

Christ taught us to pray, “Thy kingdom come.  Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.”  Sometimes when we try to stop the sky from falling and earth from shaking, we don’t know the big picture and don’t realize the hand of God is already there. 

When it happens, ask Him for guidance.  He will guide you as the Holy Spirit brings you peace.  As Jesus told the leader of the synagogue in Matthew 5:36, “Do not be afraid; only believe.”

Happy Easter.

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